All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
