like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
third nipple confirmed
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
