i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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