I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
