We're facebook friends in real life
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
