Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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