I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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