and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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