just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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