Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
