I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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