I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
