My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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