I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
