no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i think my cat just said my name.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My bed smells like the plague
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