it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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