There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
