I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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