No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
