dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
