i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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