Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
