i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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