I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize