if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
