Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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