I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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