I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
