I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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