..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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