Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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