I must be too annoying 4 u.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She announced her abortion via fbk
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
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