well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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