About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
