I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
