all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize