I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
