dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
