i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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