??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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