It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
