You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
