Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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