just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize