it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
