you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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