Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
