You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
