what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
