We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
