you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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