The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
