You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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