turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
my liver is dry heaving
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
