Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
