speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
