she's into porn, im staying here tonight
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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