cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
