In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
