Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize