due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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