i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
