I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She bit a glass in half.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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