I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
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