I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
