I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
