I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We are two peas in an std pod
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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