Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
