Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
