You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
