I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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