Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
