I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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