The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i dont even know how to be here
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
