not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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