Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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