paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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