its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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