My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
