just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
