Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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