i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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