I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
